Top 10 New Years Resolutions

I, Fred Hoot, the main controlling editor of Liberal Fair, do firmly make these resolutions.

• I resolve to believe 100% in Anthropogenic (man-made for those liberals in Berzerkeley, California) Global Warming – provided that Al Gore gives me 10% ownership in his carbon credits company.
• I resolve not to defend Israel against the Hamas terrorists – provided that all lands gifted to the Twelve Tribes of Israel by God, as documented in the Old Testament, are peacefully returned.
• I resolve to believe and support everything the self-proclaimed “Environmentalist” groups advertise – provided that all of their facts are backed up by scientifically-proven fact and not dubious computer models or theories.
• I resolve to support all of the policies Nancy Pelosi puts forward as House Madam – provided that I can legally call her my step-mother, receive a yearly allowance of $150,000.00, payable in advance, and equally share in their will.
• I resolve to, ahh, to support Caroline Kennedy for, you know, the Senate, ah – provided that, ah, that, you know, she convinces her, ah, Mr. Ed, the Talking, horse, er, donkey, er, you know, Democrat, to give me, like, a hundred million Washingtons. Whew!!!!!
• I resolve to throw out all my computers running Microsoft XP and Vista and obtain Apple Air Books – provided that Mr. Jobs gives them to me along with the software, promises to decorate my Christmas tree next year with lights that blink “Apple Rules”, and has rabbit stew with me.
• I resolve to believe Barry Baracka Hussein Obama’s promise to support the Second Amendment – provided that he shows me his real birth certificate showing he was born in the USA.
• I resolve to believe Liberals whenever they say “it is for the children” – provided that that law also applies to them and their children.
• I resolve to support the fairness doctorine – provided that there is a separate Liberal radio and TV station for each Conservative radio and TV station (newspapers included) and they are all self-supporting without any government support or oversight.
• I resolve to get an iPhone – provided that Pastor Lewis starts using a Lenovo laptop.